Rebecca's Joy

This month, I traveled to Washington D.C., Shenandoah National Park, and Detroit. I spent much time with my brother, his wife, and their four children. Some highlights were the First Wives Hall in the Smithsonian American History Museum, hiking toward Rapidian Camp in the Shenandoah National Park, and celebrating my Grandma’s 94th birthday in Detroit. In Detroit, I spent a lot of time with family and friends and was so pleased to catch up with them. Frank went out to Washington D.C. to spend time with his sister and go to the Museum of the Bible. He got new tires on our camper trailer, and we worked on a side of our yard. Near the end of the month, I came home and spent much time with Frank, and getting back into the regular routines. I am now teaching 3-4 yr. olds once a month during church, am in an equipping class on our Identity in Christ and have tackled a lot of different office organization tasks. If you have seen a lot of stuff on Facebook Marketplace, there’s probably a good reason behind it. 

Recipes Tried: 

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie: I received some rhubarb as a gift and decided to make a version of my Grandma’s strawberry rhubarb pie. 

This is a long-time favorite recipe of mine. My dad went to London on business, proclaimed the goodness of this cake (even though it’s called pudding), and started making it himself. Frank & I went to London in March of 2023 and tried this cake at the end of a delicious Sunday Roast. I knew I had to recreate it when I returned home. I made this for a tea to celebrate a newly engaged couple, and when I realized it was a hit, I made it ever after. It does take a little planning, but I promise it is delightful and delicious. 

Sticky Toffee Pudding: Martha Stewart (no longer available online)

Cake Ingredients: 

6 TBS unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for the baking pan

2 C. chopped pitted dates (8 oz)

1 C. water

1 tsp. baking soda

1 1/3 all-purpose flour

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. all-spice

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 C. light brown sugar

2 large eggs

1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 

Directions: 

1. Preheat oven 350 degrees. Lightly butter an 8″ square baking pan. In a small saucepan, combine dates & 1 C. water. Bring to boil over medium-high heat. Add baking soda and stir until dates begin to break down and mixture thickens slightly, approximately 1-2 minutes. Set aside
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, allspice, and salt. I like to sift these into the bowl. In a mixer, beat butter and brown sugar on medium until light and fluffy, approximately 3-5 minutes. *I typically scrape the butter and sugar mixture from the sides a few times, and then scrape the eggs and vanilla mixture as well. Add eggs and vanilla, and beat until combined (mixture may look curdled). Scrape down the bowl. 
3. With the mixer on low, beat in flour mixture in three additions, alternating with the date mixture. Increase speed to medium, and beat until it is combined. Pour batter into a prepared pan and bake for 45 minutes. The cake is done when you stick a skewer in, and a few crumbs are attached. Meanwhile, make the toffee sauce. 
4. Once the cake is baked through, poke holes all over the top of the cake.

Toffee Sauce: Martha Stewart, Everyday Food, December 2009 (no longer on her website)

Ingredients: 

1/2 C. packed light-brown sugar

6 TBS unsalted butter cut into pieces

1/2 C Heavy cream

Pinch of salt

2 tsp whiskey (I have never used this ingredient, and it’s still delicious)

Directions: 

Combine brown sugar, butter, heavy cream, and salt in a small saucepan. Cook over medium-high, stirring constantly, until sugar dissolves and the mixture boils. Reduce to a simmer and cook, without stirring for 2 minutes (it’s a very light brown color). Remove from heat and stir in whiskey (optional, in my opinion). Pour over the cake and serve. 

Movie Recommendation: 

• One Life: Nicky Winton reflects on his past when he bravely rescued Jewish children before the Nazi occupation and border closing in WWII. His wife urges him to clean out his office, while she is away, and he comes across his album filled with pictures and memories from his time rescuing children. One day, he is reunited with some of these rescued children, and it brings his work full circle. This is a touching and sobering film. If you enjoy WWII-era history, and the heroic endeavors of those who choose life, then I urge you to grab your tissues. 

Books Read: 

• Son of Hamas Born to a ring leader in Hamas rising to power, he engages in risky spy operations to protect his family and himself. What he doesn’t realize is that the gospel story will ultimately change his view and provide answers to many of the questions propelled by his situation. 
• Static Lines by Eric Palmer: The letters of a paratrooper during WWII give insight into the experiences of a young soldier during the war—a compelling and fun read. The older I get, the more I put myself in someone else’s shoes, and I feel the tremendous question of “What are they going through?” soften my heart and make me appreciative of the many blessings I am surrounded with daily. Reading the actual letters of this soldier made the ending all the more endearing. 
• The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging & Becoming by Sally & Sarah Clarkson: I have been contemplating the meaning of family traditions, creating a home, and much regarding the environment, feelings evoked, and purposeful hospitality. In truth, the absence of my mother (died 2017), has shifted much in terms of tradition, celebrating, and memorializing times together. Much has changed in my current family, but perhaps it hasn’t at the same time. Although we have a local family, it also is difficult to be on the same page in terms of wanting to celebrate holidays. This has been the book I needed, although I have much to work out, in terms of what I value. Frank and I thought about opening our home to friends who do not have a place to go during the holidays. May we be able to work out this idea into reality, and be a haven of welcome for those who have nowhere to go. 

Projects Worked On: 

• We cleared out a side of our house where it had been a yucky strip of weeds and leftover roots, stumps, and other items. We will finally have a cohesive side of the yard. We will probably do xeriscape. 
• Clearing out the office and getting rid of stuff. I threw out some stuff, and I have put stuff online to sell. We also went through lots of paperwork. 
• I am slowly taking longer walks with my dogs (usually 3 miles) a day. I love walks with quiet contemplation. I always feel better taking a walk and processing my thoughts. 

Adoption Corner: In the Waiting

I have been struck by the realization of how many young women are grappling with the reality of their pregnancy and the difficult decisions made. When I talked with my coordinator, Robyn, and she explained a birth mother’s current situation, it instantly convinced me of how quick I am to complain about my circumstances. Some of these women are in difficult circumstances, and they have very real obstacles that they must deal with. I am now convinced to pray for them, and that God would connect them with the family that is right for their circumstances, that would lovingly take them in and be a part of their story. I have also thought about our story in terms of a timeline. God has not intersected our desire to adopt with a birth mother yet, so I find peace in knowing that in God’s timeline, I am not at that point yet. There is nothing I can do to speed it up or make it happen right now, I am not at that point yet. 

I am a first born-perfection oriented, orderly, rule follower. Control is something I am used to assuming when someone else is not doing their job, or by finding something to control when I feel out of control. Adoption is something where a lot of things are out of my control. I am not God and am continually reminded that control is an idea that I want to cling to (something comfortable, tangible, within my ability to plan for and execute), yet I also see this as a fault, when I suddenly lose that control and thus my emotions of anger, distress, despair, loneliness, etc. I find this in infertility. Last Sunday, someone mentioned yet another story of someone who adopted and got pregnant with two more children afterward. I hear these stories often, as if an adoption will be the solution to a lack of pregnancies all these years. I have seen many stories where God did not give people babies after adoption, and truthfully, hearing these “anecdotes” meant well stings. I am well aware that God could change the story of my womb at any moment, and sometimes I hold that well and at other times I shatter in tiny fragments of despair. By God’s grace, and through much sanctification and spiritual growth, I often trust the Lord. I am, however, still fully human and fully aware of the many miracles, blessings, and longed-for pregnancies that were fulfilled in God’s good gift of a baby. I am not privy to God’s perfect plan for my life, and knowing that there is no guarantee of a baby, which has made me even more sensitive to others longing for answered prayers (a spouse, cancer, baby, finances, death of a loved one, child with special needs, etc.). We have no more control over our circumstances than we do to unwisely assert that there’s hope in the story of another person’s success. All I am saying is please consider those of us who are in hard circumstances and that stories of others’ successes and gifts can stir up false hope or despair in those of us who are unable to control the circumstances outside of God’s good design. For example, I have gone to multiple fertility specialists and tried multiple “success” items such as extreme diets, acupuncture, extra extensive tests, out-of-pocket expenses (upwards of $80,000), medications, treatments, spiritual work, counseling, and setting my mind on truth. At this point, I am 38 (about to be 39) years old. Even if I were to get pregnant today, I don’t think it would change how I approach others going through infertility. I am at a point where I question platitudes and words spoken into others’ pain. Truthfully, I am horrible at encouraging others in hardship. I don’t know what to say, I fumble, I avoid, and I stress out at the thought of hurting their feelings to discourage them even further. I want to provide others a long warm hug, a prayer made in their presence, a song that has uplifted me on a hard day, or the simple, “I’m thinking of you today” text or message. Lord willing, one day, we will have a birth mother, whose circumstances will bring her to the most difficult decision of her life, to give her child up for adoption. I hope and pray that I will stand strong in not telling others her private information, and that in her eyes, she will feel loved, seen, and appreciated by us. In this, I know there is control-control of my tongue, the ability to uplift and encourage her (I hope we might be at a point where I can send her a birthday card, mother’s day card, pictures, videos, and even visit). One day, I hope to give her the biggest hug and tell her how much she means to me, and that she can become a part of our extended family. Again, these are merely speculative thoughts, and I cannot control nor desire to control her feelings or choices. I hope one day, that when I look back over these waiting days, that I will be thankful for God’s great sustaining grace, and his goodness in the waiting. May I spread encouragement to those who long for things that cannot be or are not answered yet, and learn how to better encourage others in hardship.