Rebecca's Joy

Dear Mothers, 

Today, we all have a story of the journey to become parents. Some of us are still waiting for that story to come to fruition or have experienced loss and pain which makes this day incredibly hard. 

Today, I am thinking of those who long to be mothers (single, infertility, miscarriage, etc.), those who lost their own mother, estrangement from their child or is/are a birth mother, and those who have lost their precious child (stillborn, cancer, NICU, etc.). Some parents are also on an adoption or foster care journey (including post-placement challenges and needs). Others are parenting children with incredible needs that I personally know nothing about and can only imagine the day-to-day challenges (special needs, mental health, physical ailments, etc.). This is also for those who will long to be acknowledged and the silence will inevitably cloud the celebratory day. 

Having been infertile for 16 years puts me in a precarious position I have never entirely understood. I have come to accept that Mother’s Day is hard and that it’s ok to feel the feelings and celebrate those who are mothers. This year, we are waiting for an adoption, which is complicated in its way. We have no timeline or placement call (which I am fine with). The stories and blessings of infertility have been mixed with the sadness and pain of loss. I also lost my Mom to cancer six years ago, and so there is the emptiness of not getting to buy her a card and send a gift. In 2019, I was carrying our first pregnancy via embryo adoption, and it was still our little secret. We saw the ultrasound that confirmed we lost that baby on June 6th, just a few short weeks later. 

However, I want to share hope today, as I know we can all be empathetic and compassionate toward each other’s situations. 

In Proverbs 30:15-16, it states: The leech has two daughters: Give and GIve. Three things are never satisfied; four never say, “Enough”: Sheol, the barren womb, the land never satisfied with water, and the fire that never says, “Enough.” 

When I came across these verses years ago, I was confirmed that the emptiness and longing in my heart to be a mother are not foreign or wrong. They are woven into the fabric of my heart’s desires. 

I also think of Sarah, who laughed when God told Abraham she was to bear him a son, and think (naively, of course), I probably wouldn’t react any different! Hannah prayed fervently to the Lord for a child, and her husband and priest responded in ways that perhaps did not help her heart, even when she took it to the Lord. 

To be at a loss this side of heaven is a reality, and one, although painfully hard to swallow. Last week, I read Hebrews 5:8, which says, “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.” 

If I could hold your hand or give you a hug, I want to encourage you that a day does not define your entire life. Decisions, circumstances, and trials can smack us when we least expect it. Yet, God is faithful! He is in your story-faithfully shepherding you. I pray for comfort and grace. Keep a heart open to forgiveness, a kleenex in your pocket, and hope. My favorite verses have clung to me when little hope or faith has saddled my heart or I fear collapsing under the weight of darkness. 

Psalms 27:13-14 (LSB)

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of Yahweh

In the land of the living.

14 Hope in Yahweh;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;

Hope in Yahweh.

Much love and my thoughts are with you. 

Love, 

Rebecca